Surviving the Holidays with an Eating Disorder

The holidays are upon us. For many, the holidays are stressful. Getting together with family can be difficult. Unresolved issues and resentments can make for challenging gatherings. Most holiday gatherings are centered around food which can add another layer of stress to navigate through for those with eating disorders.

Here are some tips for managing the holidays for those with an eating disorder or for those who have a loved one with an easting disorder. And, while these tips are designed for those with eating disorders they can be helpful to anyone who has a difficult managing the stress that comes during the busy holiday season.

Continue Therapy

If you’re in therapy it’s important to work with your therapist through this difficult time. Work with your therapist to develop strategies for managing your stress while with family and friends. You’ll feel better prepared if you have a strategy and even an exit plan in place.

It’s Not About the Food

Even though the holidays seem to be centered on the dinner table they really aren’t about the food. If being around food is challenging right now consider visiting with family and friends in a setting that doesn’t include food. Spend time with the people who love and support you, it doesn’t have to be at a dinner table with a full spread.

Relax

One of the hardest things to do during the holidays, especially if you’re hosting the family at your home or are in charge of planning the meal. Still, try to carve out some time to be alone so you can process your thoughts and find your peace before the big gathering. Breathing exercises can be extremely helpful when anxiety sets in.

Don’t Compete

Try not to compare or compete with others at the table or gathering. If your cousin announces her engagement and you’ve just broken up with your significant other don’t feel as though you’re in a competition. Congratulate on her upcoming nuptials and focus on feeling good for her instead of bad for what you don’t have at the moment. Don’t let another family member or friends win be your loss. The only person worth measuring yourself against is you, all others is pointless.

Eat Mindfully

When you do sit down to the main meal remember to eat mindfully. Give yourself permission to try the foods you like and don’t worry about not eating the ones you don’t. You’re eating for yourself, not to make grandma feel good about her pumpkin pie. At the same time, it’s okay if you overeat, too. Take the time to enjoy your meal by eating slowly and experiencing the taste and texture of your food.

Don’t Over Book Yourself

For many young couples it’s not uncommon to do two holiday meals in one day. Newlyweds and couples want to make sure they visit both families which can make for a very hectic day. If possible choose one family for Thanksgiving and one family for Christmas or Hanukah. If it isn’t possible and you must visit both it’s ok to explain that you have already eaten and will be abstaining.

For those who have a loved one with an eating disorder:

Don’t Comment on Appearances

Telling someone who has an eating disorder that they look healthy may be interpreted to mean “you look fat”. Instead of commenting on appearances talk about how thrilled you are they made it to your gathering. Don’t comment on other’s appearances either, it can cause the person with an eating disorder to compare themselves to another which can be triggering.

Recovery Takes Time

Just because a family member has gone through treatment for an eating disorder doesn’t mean everything is all better. Eating disorders can take a long time to get under control and it’s rarely a linear process. There will be setbacks so let them go at their own pace. Ask privately what you can do to be supportive.

Show You Care

A hug, a kiss on the cheek, a simple “I love you” can go a long way in letting someone know you care. People who suffer from eating disorders tend to have low self esteem and may believe others don’t care for them. They may also feel that they are putting a burden on their friends and family because they have an eating disorder. Having an eating disorder can be isolating, especially when it comes to gatherings around food. Tell your loved one how much you care about them.

From all of us at Locus Therapy, we hope you have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!