It’s Okay to Say No

Saying no to someone is one of the hardest things to do. For many of us we say yes when we really want to say no because we are afraid the person asking us to perform a task will not like us anymore. We fear they may think we are lazy, selfish or even mean for saying no, even if saying yes causes us stress and anxiety.

It’s OK to say no, in fact it’s good for you to say no sometimes.

But, that doesn’t make it any easier to say no to a loved one, child, parent or boss. Saying yes when you mean no can cause all kinds of problems, especially if you can’t make good on your promise to do whatever it is they have asked of you. Saying yes when you mean no causes stress, anxiety and it sets you up for burnout and resentment. It’s good medicine to say no but it isn’t always easy, here are some tips to saying no:

Practice

Practice saying no before you have to actually utter the dreaded word. Once you’ve spoken it in the mirror a few times start using it in real life. If your mother asks you to come over and help give the cat a bath use your new word – NO.

Don’t Apologize

Be firm or you’ll give in. Most of the time when we have to say no we start with “I’m sorry….” there’s no need to be sorry about taking care of yourself.

Don’t Give Excuses

You don’t need to tell people why it is you can’t do something for them. It’s really none of their business if you prefer to take a bubble bath and read a good book instead of attend another boring corporate cocktail party. A simple no is all the response you need to give, you don’t owe anyone a rundown of your schedule or how you will be spending your time when you aren’t doing something for someone else.

Don’t be so Nice

It’s still important to be polite but that doesn’t mean you should say yes when doing the task causes you distress. Saying yes doesn’t mean you’re nice, it means you have no backbone and people will take advantage of you. Your time is important to you and that is all that matters so stick to your guns and keep saying no. People will still like you and they may even respect you now too.

Don’t Get Caught off Guard

I have a friend who always asks me what I’m doing first and then asks me for a favor. It’s a trick because I think I’m being invited to something fun or exciting when really this person knows it’s a way to eliminate an excuse of mine. It goes like this: “What are you doing Friday night?” I’m thinking there’s some great party they’re having and this is there way of letting me know to keep my schedule open so I answer with “Nothing, why do you ask?” Their response is always a surprise to me, though by now I only have myself to blame for falling into this trap, “Can you babysit for us, we’ve been invited to a fabulous party that night and can’t find anyone to look after little Sammy.” At this point they know I don’t have plans so saying no is even more difficult. If you know someone who uses this tactic be alert and ask what’s going on before you answer if you’re available.

You don’t always have to say no, there might be many times you honestly want to say yes, and you should if the task is the way you want to spend your time. It’s your time and if you’re like most people you don’t have much of it that is free so use it wisely by only agreeing to the things you really want to do. It’s not easy to make a habit of saying no when you’re used to saying yes but you’ll find pretty quickly how much happier you are when you do.